What's Your Secret, Mr Kunikida?
by schally
Summary: Sugishita wonders how Kunikida won Takeuchi's heart. He decides to ask the Director himself, and gets a little more than he bargained for in the process. (Quasi-shounen ai warning with humorous intent.)


**What's Your Secret, Mr. Kunikida?**

There were a couple of things Shunichi Sugishita couldn't wrap his brain around.  One was Ryoko Takeuchi, pert business suit and all.  The other was the fact that Ryoko Takeuchi didn't seem to have any interest in him.  At _all_. 

He'd considered the brief possibility that she was playing hard-to-get—the putdowns were just a ruse, perhaps, the rejections a façade.  But even hard-to-get warmed over time, and as far as he could tell, Ryoko was still as cool as Izumo mountain spring water.

That didn't stop him from trying, of course, it merely made him pay more attention to his surroundings.  And one thing he'd noticed quickly (he wasn't an unobservant guy) was that Ryoko Takeuchi seemed to have a thing, a very big thing, for Director Daitetsu Kunikida.

It baffled him.

For one, Kunikida was _old_.  Two, he smoked.  And three… well, he was Kunikida.  

It just wasn't making any sense.

But there had to be _something_.  Ryoko was a practical lady.  Serious.  Unflappable.  Pragmatic, even.  She had to have motivation.

After the defeat of the Aragami, when Ryoko declined a promotion to stay in Kunikida's division, his curiosity became tinged with jealousy.  Declining advancement was _not_ Ryoko Takeuchi's style.  She'd left him for advancement to the TAC, hadn't she?  He felt a burst of determination.  He would find out what exactly Ryoko saw in Kunikida; by the gods, he would.

He timed it, strolling into Kunikida's office long after Ryoko had left for the day, planting both hands on the front of the desk and delivering what he hoped was a scowl (he'd always been a friendly guy).

"We need to talk," he said, and Kunikida arched his eyebrows in surprise.

"What about?"

"Ryoko."

Kunikida blinked twice, folding his hands on the desk.  "I'm not sure I follow."

"You two are _doing_ it, aren't you?"

Kunikida's face reddened, but to his credit, he kept his expression neutral.  "Sugishita, I'm not sure where you're going with—"

"What is it about you?" Sugishita demanded, leaning forward on the desk.  "I've tried all my little tricks, Daitetsu, and they're not working.  She won't even give me the time of day.  I'm over it, see?  I'm happy for you both.  But I've just got to know.  What's your secret?

Kunikida seemed pensive for a moment.  "You really want to know?"

Sugishita nodded.  "It's driving me crazy."

Kunikida motioned him closer and Sugishita obliged, eager—finally, the truth!  It had to be something mundane.  It had to be that Ryoko was softening, preferring stability to passion.  It had to be that she was attracted to a man in authority.  It couldn't be that he was losing his touch.  "Pretend you're Ryoko," Kunikida said, and Sugishita nodded.  "We were sitting just like this, and I said, 'Ryoko, c'mere a second.'"  He motioned again and Sugishita leaned further, anticipating any number of foolproof secrets or pickup lines to flow from the older man's tongue.

Kunikida looked into his eyes.  "Then I said, 'You know, I'm no good at this.'  And then—"  

"What?  What?"

Kunikida grabbed him by the chin in a way that was both gentle and brusque and unflinchingly put their lips together.  The kiss was surprisingly warm and soft, yet forceful at the same time.  It flowed like warm honey, sending warmth from his lips to the tips of his toes.

And then Sugishita to realized: _Kunikida is _kissing_ me._

He jerked away, stumbling, and ended up on the floor.  "What the hell are you doing?" he bellowed, pawing at his face, scrubbing at his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I was just showing you—"

"That you're _gay_?"

"No, that the way to a woman's heart is honesty, not bravado."  Kunikida blinked at him.  "Are you all right, Sugishita?"

Sugishita's mind was reeling.  The kiss had been so warm, so soft, but—no!  Ack!  Kunikida had kissed him!  And forceful and sweet—No!  Bad!

He stood clumsily, stepping away from the desk almost faster than his feet could carry him.  "Director, don't you—don't you _ever_ do that again!"

Kunikida just sat there blinking at him.  "Of course not.  I was just answering your question."

A blush descended on Sugishita's face.  He'd half expected Kunikida to protest, to jump up from behind the desk, descend on him forcefully, and—_Noooooo!_  What was he _thinking_?!

"I'm not gay," the younger man said flatly, looking at the floor.

"Of course not," Kunikida said gently.

Not knowing what else to do, Sugishita ran away.

Kunikida folded his hands on the desk and listened as the officer's footsteps faded away.  When he was certain Sugishita was gone he allowed a small smile to creep onto his face.  Oh, he'd get him.  Sooner or later.  With his usual Daitetsu charm and style.  Sugishita would come around.  They always did.  And then…

A ménage a trios with Ryoko.

Kunikida grinned happily.  He couldn't wait.  It was so great, to be born Japanese.


End file.
